Homily for the Repose of the Soul of Phyllis J. Onechyk
February 23, 2019 – St. Paul’s Episcopal Church
Sacramento
The Holy Gospel
Matthew 5:1-9
When
Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his
disciples came to him. Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is
the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be
comforted.
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit
the earth.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for
righteousness, for they will be filled.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will
receive mercy.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will
see God.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be
called children of God.
Today we gather to remember
our dear Phyllis Onechyk. It is never
easy to see such a gracious lady leave our midst, but she was ready to go. Phyllis passed away on Christmas day shortly
after receiving the last rites of the church.
Exactly as she wanted. However, I
have to say that this service is not exactly something that Phyllis
wanted. She did not want us to make a
fuss over her death. She told me in no
uncertain terms many years ago that I was to hurry up and get ordained so that
I could do her simple graveside service.
That is all she wanted. Small and
simple. At the time I told her that
would not work. I told her too many people loved her and would need to gather
to share in our loss. At which point I
got the Phyllis look – Chris and Joe know it well. It’s the exacerbated mother look. I continued to say that I would be happy to
do the small graveside service first, which I did, and hopefully she would be
ok with a larger gathering at the church later.
To which she agreed. So here we
are.
The lessons today are perfect
in so many ways for Phyllis. Although I
have to admit I was a little surprised by the reading from Proverbs. That is until I read it in a different
translation. Phyllis would always
comment to me how she liked to read the Sunday lessons in the Authorized
version – also known as the King James version, because she loved the poetry of
the Elizabethan English. And the current
translation used in most Episcopal Churches can be a little devoid of the
original Poetry. To remedy that I turned
to a newly release translation of the Hebrew Bible by the renowned Jewish
scholar Robert Alter. One of his goals
was to render in English the poetry that is in the Hebrew. His translation starts the reading from
proverbs this way:
“A
worthy woman who can find?
Her price is far beyond rubies.
The
heart of her husband trusts her,
And no prize does he lack.”
And that certainly describes
the Phyllis that I knew. A woman whose
value is far beyond rubies. Phyllis was
a woman that loved in such amazing
ways. Phyllis was a woman that supported
people in a quite and yet fierce way.
Phyllis was not just a goer to church, she was not a seat warmer!
Phyllis was one who lived the Gospel.
She was one who preached the Gospel at all times – and as attributed to
St. Francis – used words only when necessary.
I have so many stories to tell about my interactions with Phyllis that
we could be here all day! So I will
share a few special ones that I have.
About ten years ago as I was
helping Phyllis clear the altar vessels after a Sunday service. She looked at me as said. “Rik would you hurry up and get ordained a
priest. I am ready to die, and I want
you to do my service!” At that point I
was not even officially in the process to become ordained. And that is a long story in itself. Suffice it to say that my path to ordination
was not an express lane type of journey.
It was more like wandering on a lovely English lane stopping for tea and
visiting with the locals. At that time I
told her that she would have to live a bit longer if she wanted to wait until I
was ordained as I was not back in “the process”. And as you might guess I once again got the “Mother
look.” For in Phyllis’ mind there was no
doubt that I should be ordained – even if there was doubt in my mind.
Phyllis was a woman of great
faith. It was at times a quiet faith – one
that tried to stay out of the spotlight.
Many years ago Phyllis took a spiritual gifts Lenten study course that I
co-led with Loreen Kleinschmidt. One of
the goals was to take a Myers Briggs type personality test to help identify
ones spiritual gifts. During the sharing
of the gifts surveys Phyllis announced that she did not have any spiritual
gifts. Someone asked her what the survey
said. She said is indicated she had the
gift of faith. At which several people
announced that indeed she did have the gift of faith! And furthermore if they were in the hospital
she is the one they would want to visit them.
Forget the clergy they wanted Phyllis!
I think she was a little shocked at this revelation. And for a while she did go on home communion
visitations with other members of the congregation.
Her gift of faith for years
now has been a ministry of feeding and listening. Before I was ordained I took over from Lynell
in officiating at the Wednesday noon service.
It was a service of noon day prayers with an emphasis on healing. Wednesday was also that day that the Altar
Guild would come to clean brass and tidy up during the week so I had a
ready-made congregation.
Shortly after I started
officiating those services Phyllis approached me and asked if it would be OK to
have a light lunch after the service. I
replied that I thought it would be wonderful to which she said she would make
it happen. And she did. The first few weeks were what I
expected. Subway type sandwiches cut up
with chips and soda. Then things
changed.
Phyllis noticed that many of
the people who she was feeding with these lunches where unhomed and likely did
not get regular meals. So the “simple
lunch” morphed. Suddenly instead of
simple sandwiches, Phyllis, with the assistance of Chris, Joe and Sue, started
bringing in full lunches. Homemade
shepherd’s pie, spaghetti with meat balls, baked beans with ham and many more –
not exactly lite fare. And it always
came with vegetables, a roll, and something sweet for dessert. The lunches then moved from the back of the
church to the parish hall.
Once in the parish hall we
would leave the noon service to find places set at tables and Phyllis insisted
that our guests be served – not wait in line like a soup kitchen but be served
like guests in one’s home – for Phyllis they were guests in God’s home and she
wanted them to be treated as beloved children of God.
Phyllis’ feeding grew our noon
service – and she also took on feeding people on Fridays after that service
too. We went from a noon service with
the altar guild and a few unhomed folk to a service with up to 25 people where
lunch was served to 30 or more. For many
it is likely the only home made hot meal they get.
Phyllis would always sit
quietly to the side and make sure that everyone got their fill. She would engage all sorts and conditions in
conversation and listen to them and offer unconditional love. Phyllis would give hugs to people that many
would, like the story of the good Samaritan, cross the street to avoid. One Wednesday – after this had been
continuing for several years Phyllis said to me. “Rik – you know I was ready to die several
years ago. I was tired and ready to
go. But now I have found a new purpose
and want to live a little longer.”
Phyllis continued with this
ministry of faith and feeding – both feeding the physical and feeding the soul
of so many people – right up until her final short illness. Although I suspect in recent months more of
the workload fell on her children Chris and Joe.
Everyone loved Phyllis. And Phyllis loved everyone. Phyllis lived the beatitudes. Not the simple sweet beatitudes that we can
use to justify inequality by telling folks that it is ok that they are poor now
because God will take care of them later.
No Phyllis lived the beatitudes in the radical way that Jesus meant
them. She lived them by helping to usher
in God’s dream of love to this corner of 15th and J streets. She helped God usher in God’s dream where all
of God’s creation is good. Where all of
God’s beloved children are treated with respect and dignity – no matter their
social status, no matter their income, no matter their ability to take
showers! Phyllis loved everyone.
Just this past Wednesday one
of the homeless youth that attends on a fairly regular basis was not sure who
it was who had died. I showed him
Phyllis’ picture on my phone, and he was crushed. As he talked to me a tear escaped his eye as
he said that she always treated him kindly.
Treated him with respect and love.
There are so many more stories
of Phyllis that can and should be told.
And I invite you to tell your Phyllis stories – as I know there are more
that are out there. There are stories
about her time with family, there are stories about her time in the Federal
prosecutor’s office in Sacramento – a time I know little about. But I know she was loved by all who
encountered her in the prosecutor’s office.
One of my yoga buddies asked me how I knew Phyllis after I shared the
news of her passing on my Facebook page.
He shared how Phyllis took him under her wing as he started as a very
green attorney after just a couple of years as a military JAG.
Today we gather to remember
our beloved Phyllis. We are here to shed
a tear because our world has become a little coarser without her light. We are here to mourn our loss not Phyllis’ loss. Phyllis was ready to go home to the bosom of
God. Phyllis was part of this peculiar
people we call the church. We believe
that while her mortal life with us is no longer that it has not ended but it
has changed. We believe that Phyllis has
gone to that place “Where sorrow and pain are no more, neither sighing, but
life everlasting.”
And I can just picture Phyllis
in that place. Insisting that everyone
have a place at the grand banquet table and that they be served. While I know that Phyllis, in the grand
church of England and episcopal church stereotype, knows which fork to use at
the fancy tables I see Phyllis heading over to find those who did not have that
opportunity. I can imagine Phyllis reuniting
with her beloved husband and family. But
I also see Phyllis seeking out those who our society treated as outcasts. I imagine Phyllis seeking out a young man who
for a time lived in a tent in our parking lot and passed away much too young
just days after Phyllis’ passing. I see
her sitting down at the great heavenly banquet surrounded by family who have
gone before and also all those that our society saw as outcast, people our
society has treated as the other.
Phyllis worked, in her own
quiet way, to help bring about the promise of the beatitudes in our world. And now I see Phyllis helping God make sure
that they are fulfilled in the world to come.
Today we gather to remember
our beloved Phyllis. She was so many
things to so many people. She was a ray
of God’s light to so many in the darkness.
We will miss Phyllis. It is my
hope that those of us that have been a recipient of her love and her light will
follow in her footstep. That we too will
find ways to bring a ray of light to our world.
That we will work to bring love to this world even as we mourn our loss
at Phyllis’ death.
Amen.
